Thursday, February 25, 2010

I love this Doctor

I got this email today and HAD to post it...

For all of you (myself included) fighting the battle to be healthier, I thought that you might appreciate another point of view.

I love this Doctor:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And, what are these? Vegetables. So, a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride."


For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Yoga Anyone?

This new show is hilarious though sometimes a bit this clip a girl thinks she will be in an instructional yoga video and is trying her best to take things as they come...but it becomes pretty hard to take the "hot air" as she realizes what "release yoga" really means...

P.S. Those guys probably never thought they'd get to showcase their "special talent" to millions of viewers in the US and on the web...ha!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Thank You! - A Poem

"Tomorrow will take care of itself...there is a positive side to everything...even though sometimes it's hard to see it..."


The most inspired, lyrical writing, that I seem to do best
Tends to be the darker...moodier...and depressed

I sit here and write tonight, on a more positive concept
There's a thankfulness within, that I just cannot repress

Thank you dear God, for life's cup, mixed bittersweetly
Thank you for my little child, whom I adore completely

Thank you for each new day, for it means I am still here
Savoring life's sundry pleasures, with all that I hold dear

No problem is too great, or that cannot be resolved
Not while there is breath in me, and power to move on

Thank you for my backaches, for it means that I can walk
Thank you for the laundry, for it means that I have clothes

For my job I'm thankful spite of all the stress
For it means a steady income, and a roof over our heads

For the softly scented a meadow filled with blooms
The friendly stranger smiling, that makes me feel so good

The sweet love song the birds sing, to any ear that hearkens
And precious hugs of children, dispelling inner darkness

For all the friends I've had...even those that have betrayed me
I'm thankful because they have taught me, that I am not weak

Finally I'm thankful for, new friends who now are part of
My life...and in this moment...I don't worry for tomorrow!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

In my next life...

You know those emails your girlfriends send around? Well I got this one today so, in the spirit of starting off on a light goes:

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